Welcome back to this week's edition of "Gameday Texts," my own personal open thread from a football Saturday. Apologies in advance for my general sense of pessimism as the day wears on; you can also note the collective urge to kill rising among fellow Bama fans. As always, messages appear here exactly as they do on my phone, complete with timestamp, and all are [sic]d. Also as always, be warned that some of the language here might be mildly offensive. Feel free to contribute your own either here or on Twitter.
Halcombe (8:20 a.m.) Aw snap! Baby face playin at Rite Aid. That was SO my '93.
Me (10:09 a.m.) People at our tailgate just knocked each other over to be part of the "WOOOOOOOO" crowd on TV.
Rob (10:28 a.m.) Evidently big al eats honey badgers
Halcombe (10:37 a.m.) The beauty of X-BOX's Kinnect is that you get the chance to watch how limp your buddy fake throws a football.
Halcombe (10:38 a.m.) Your Cheez-It Fans of the week look like their mom and dad could share a closer genealogical tie than marriage.
Maguire (10:55 a.m.) His ass won't be all that quits.
Halcombe (10:46 a.m.) Les talking to his QBs?
Rob (10:47 a.m.) Ha next comment hold my beer and watch this
Halcombe (10:45 a.m.) Is it wise for the lone black dude Game Day analyst to pick against the home team ... in Alabama. Got bigger stones than me.
Halcombe (10:56 a.m.) Corso's keeping the Wilson beard so he can play "Bad Santa" with the Mrs. down the road ... "Won't be able to walk for a week."
Me (11:42 a.m.) "We think Vandy can take em today." No, they cannot. Because they are Vandy.
Rob (11:44 a.m.) Well at least somebody believes in them
Maguire (11:55 a.m.) Vandy can take 'em ... for 55 minutes, maybe.Jonathan Page (12:26 p.m.) I wonder how many bookies take bets against Vandy where the bettor doesn't know who the opponent is.
Jonathan Page (12:27 p.m.) Great Tail-Gating. If the Zombie Apocalypse starts here even the Undead will be well fed.
Whit (2:36 p.m.) Come on vandy!!!!
Jonathan Page (3:21 p.m.) Army 14, Air Force 0. Go America!!
Jonathan Page (5:29 p.m.) Apparently we (Army) are only good if we have a 4-10 yes to finish a contest.
Me (5:31 p.m.) /makes corndog joke
Whit (5:32 p.m.) Corndog is right up there with bammer and barner as dumbest nicknames
Halcombe (6:50 p.m.) Explain to me why USC-ARK is a Top 10 matchup?Me (6:58 p.m.) How pissed are Nessler & Blackledge tonight?
Halcombe (7:00 p.m.) Hang on, it's time for Taste of the Town. And Todd's face filling on twice baked chicken.
Halcombe (7:02 p.m.) Think that "He'll do anything to win" commercial is biting Kyle Busch in the a$$ right about now?
Me (7:03 p.m.) Thank God. 3 hours & this can all be over.
Maguire (7:06 p.m.) Indeed. Let's play ball.
Halcombe (7:06 p.m.) If Gary and Verne were any more excited they'd pop like the bad dude from Big Trouble in Little China. I'm Jack Burton, signing off.Me (7:08 p.m.) According to Gary, AJ has never played in a game of this magnitude. Has anybody?
Halcombe (7:11 p.m.) Has to be pretty cold in Tuscaloosa. Saban, wear an undershirt next time. Don't need your nature's thermometers poking me through my Vizio ED glasses.
Halcombe (7:17 p.m.) When did you get the old Chicago Bulls PA announcer?
Halcombe (7:19 p.m.) Really wishing for a "Smelley to Fluker reverse" just because.
Me (7:20 p.m.) Guess there's no need to say it.
D. Hardin (7:21 p.m.) Nope! But I can ask the question why!
Maguire (7:21 p.m.) But we moved the ball fine.
Whit (7:22 p.m.) Yes mr. falhurst I'm sure a good fonging is in order.
Halcombe (7:26 p.m.) Y'all should have a couple skanks on the sidelines, so when Jefferson comes in they can distract with a "Hey bouey! You lookin good."
D. Hardin (7:32 p.m.) There punter is a good'n
Me (7:33 p.m.) I wish our kickers were worth a damn.
Halcombe (7:38 p.m.) You guys shoulda sprinkled some Miralax on the away sidelines for Les' sod munchies.
Halcombe (7:42 p.m.) Verne just called you guys Arkansas. I think he owes you an apology
Me (7:43 p.m.) What's the point of play-faking on 3rd & 20?
Jamie (7:46 p.m.) Not smart
D. Hardin (7:47 p.m.) What the hell!Me (7:48 p.m.) That whole sequence was extraordinarily stupid.
Maguire (7:48 p.m.) We might as well just got for it every damn time.
Rob (7:54 p.m.) Yeah can't lose PTs!!
Maguire (7:58 p.m.) Got to keep pounding away. The ice will break eventually.
Me (7:59 p.m.) We just lost.
Whit (7:59 p.m.) Relax
Maguire (8:00 p.m.) Nah. We'll be fine.Jamie (8:01 p.m.) LSU won't score but its sure giving them a better chance
Rob (8:06 p.m.) Yeah can't lose PTs!!
Halcombe (8:02 p.m.) Insert "Hey Bouey!" skanks.Me (8:20 p.m.) KICK IT NOW BEFORE WE LOSE ANY YARDAGE
Halcombe (8:13 p.m.) I'm no 'Bama fan, but I sure hope Richardson busts one on this drive because that pissie Aussie's salute after his punt irks me.
Maguire (8:20 p.m.) Punch it in. Punch till we can't no more!D. Hardin (8:22 p.m.) We got one!!!yayayaaaaa
Halcombe (8:20 p.m.) My wife: The biggest problem I have with South Carolina is that their jersey is white but their helmet is off white. Looks like it was bleached too many times.
D. Hardin (8:26 p.m.) Ohh ohh we kicked it past the 10 to the 8 yrd line!!! Ahhhhahha
Whit (8:42 p.m.) Remind me to punch you right in the baby maker
Maguire (9:02 p.m.) We're stronger in the 2nd half. Got to keep punching them. They'll go down eventually.
Maguire (9:24 p.m.) The dam's gonna break. Just keep it up
Maguire (9:29 p.m.) I hope it's theirs.
Maguire (9:41 p.m.) Damn it. That was the one thing we didn't need to do.
Me (9:56 p.m.) FINISH IT FOR GODSAKES
Me (10:01 p.m.) Gary has said "Remember last year" about 25 times.
Me (10:03 p.m.) If he can't move to catch the ball, he shouldn't be out there. Coach screwed up again.
Me (10:12 p.m.) Honey Bun should be ejected for that. That's malicious.
Rob (10:22 p.m.) Not good they are better at fgs than us
Whit (10:29 p.m.) Twas fun
Rob (10:31 p.m.) Yep that sux
Me (10:32 p.m.) 2nd year in a row we lost to them in the 4th quarter. Ridiculous.
Maguire (11:24 p.m.) Well, damn. I hate it when you're pessimistic and right. Roll Tide.
Maguire (11:26 p.m.) That's what I said when we were walking out. I bet those rubes are doing just that right now.
Halcombe (9:51 a.m., Sunday) I uttered curse words for you this morning at 7:30 ... wait ... 6:30 ... at any rate. I uttered them in your honor. The ghost of Scott Norwood has hit Tuscaloosa.