gameday texts: chaos week edition

Welcome back to another edition of "Gameday Texts," an open thread that chronicled a roughly 28-hour period in which the world of college football basically went ham. As always, messages appear in this space exactly as they do on my phone, complete with timestamp. Also as always, be warned that some of the content here might be mildly offensive. But it's fun.


Friday
Whit (8:05 p.m.) Espn2!

me (9:13 p.m.) Clever move, Iowa State, trying to look like USC. Don't think it's working anymore.
Whit (9:13 p.m.) It's going to happen.

me (10:22 p.m.) I. Don't. Believe it.
Whit (10:22 p.m.) Shhhhhhhhh
Jonathan Page (10:23 p.m.) Seriously??

me (10:38 p.m.) Not so hard to at this point to figure out why ISU isn't any good. Gotten the game handed to them all night & keep handing it back.

Maguire (10:34 p.m.) Same way ISU missed it against us in Shreveport in '01.
Pedro (10:35 p.m.) That kicker up for a transfer?
Jonathan Page (10:43 p.m.) Whiskey Tango Foxtrot

Rob (10:44 p.m.) Erin: yay can you imagine how excited those ugly cheerleaders are!

Travis P (10:50 p.m.) 2ot. Time for an OMG!!!!!
me (10:50 p.m.) No. Bleeping. Way.
Whit (10:50 p.m.) Shhhhhhhhh

me (10:51 p.m., Friday) "Gryffyndor wins!"
Maguire (10:51 p.m.) I know, right?!
Jonathan Page (10:51 p.m.) Yeah. That happened.
Maguire (10:51 p.m.) God, I love college football.

Rob (10:52 p.m.) So ur saying there's a chance
Jonathan Page (10:53 p.m.) That sound you here is the entire BCS committee selling their souls hoping this situation gets cleared up by Conf Championship weekend

Maguire (11:02 p.m.) Apparently ISU is "all in" as well. It's like an infection Rhoads brought with him.

Saturday
Halcombe (7:46 a.m.) What I'd say if I were an SC anchor: The Barry Sandes, needing only one stop to stay unbeaten, retire unceremoniously to the Cotton Bowl.
Halcombe (8:44 a.m.) Watching a little "Miracle" to get the coaching juices flowing.  The other team will be shouting "Quit calling me a Soviet bastard. I'm telling."

Halcombe (9:03 a.m.) Please Big & Rich don't come to my city. IN fact, don't come within 90 feet of me. No. Seriously. I have a restraining order. Yep. The whole band.
me (9:05 a.m.) Your first Saturday facepalm comes courtesy of Lee & Kirk's stupid cowboy hats.
Whit (9:06 a.m.) Aw that's ok good try

me (9:26 a.m.) The Penn State guys may be tiring of Tom Rinaldi. Just sayin.
Halcombe (9:29 a.m.) Rinaldi: So Jay Paterno, did your dad have sex with Milk or his boyfriend/Spider Man bad boy in the late 70s SF gay rights movement? WTF?

Whit (9:28 a.m.) Just saw car with carolina cocks in big red letters across the back. Ugly girl inside.

me (10:12 a.m.) "Saturday Night in Death Valley" remains the most overrated thing in college football.
Pedro (10:18 a.m.) No, Joe Paterno's history of building character & integrity, making a difference in the world for the good, is the most overrated thing in college football
Jamie (10:51 a.m.) Last loss was 2002 to bama. That's a pretty good streak.

me (10:29 a.m.) The Gameday feature about Andre Ware neglected to mention how Houston deliberately ran it up on everybody that year b/c they were on probation, so Andre could win the Heisman. 

Rob (10:31 a.m.) They have done that this year.

me (11:30 a.m.) The "sports bar at 11:30" crowd is a little terrifying.

Maguire (11:34 a.m.) I just had a random thought. Ole Miss should hire a black head coach. Their alumni will have to be pacified by the return of Col. Reb. 

me (11:54 a.m.) Per Jack: He said something that sounded like, 'Fck it' & threw away his megaphone."

Maguire (12:06 p.m.) Just overheard a guy pointing to Reese Phifer Hall and telling his kid that he had a math class in there with Derrick Thomas.

me (12:33 p.m.) Some douche just came in & asked if a TV could be turned to "Rutgers-Cincinnati." I feel like fighting him on principle.

Rob (12:34 p.m.) He should have to sit in time out for that.

Halcombe (12:39 p.m.) Tell him water polo/lacrosse aren't televised ... or sports for that matter.

Courtesy Daniel Maguire

me (1:07 p.m.) Appears to be plenty of good seats available today.

Rob (1:08 p.m.) I'll bet I mailed it in
Maguire (1:14 p.m.) Far too many. Ungrateful students. 

Rob (1:17 p.m.) Um furman is beating uf
me (1:19 p.m.) Furman!!
Whit (1:25 p.m.) Furman? ... german???

me (1:20 p.m.) I have to say, it's fun to watch this offense, even though it drives me insane.
Maguire (1:21 p.m.) Yeah. It's sort of like us in the 70s.
me (1:52 p.m.) Insert the standard "Well, this offense is hard to prepare for" comment.

me (2:09 p.m.) Dre getting his skull bashed in.
Chad C (2:11 p.m.) He got his 6. Damn the rest.

Halcombe (2:28 p.m.) In 3:25, the collective Cock Nation will go "Son of a ... Mutha ..."

me (2:42 p.m.) How many more times can we fail on that kick before we stop trying?
Maguire (2:43 p.m.) I wish we'd just go for it. That's getting old.

me (2:52 p.m.) Stewart made a great point a minute ago: This game doesn't mean anything to GSU, practically. They already won their league & qualified for the playoffs.
Maguire (2:53 p.m.) True. They're playing for pride, though. I worry that we're looking ahead to next week.
Halcombe (3:05 p.m.) I'll take whatever I can get. Now we'll go play in our tournament while you wait out the BS ... uh ... BCS. Freudian slip.

me (3:11 p.m.) Good to see our kickoff coverage is remaining consistent.
Chad C (3:12 p.m.) If it wasn't for spcl teams, we would be unstoppable.

Maguire (3:12 p.m.) It has the consistency of shit. 

me (3:16 p.m.) Clock cannot run fast enough.
Maguire (3:17 p.m.) I'm conflicted between wanting it to run and get this over with, or slow down so we can score 21 more points.

me (3:36 p.m.) Gators came back valiantly vs. Paladins.

Travis P (3:38 p.m.) Dre still smoked
me (3:40 p.m.) Now seems like the right time to mention that 3 didn't even make it to 20 carries 2 weeks ago.
Travis P (3:42 p.m.) Still to early

Dad (3:51 p.m.) So Oregon looks good tonight and jumps to #2. How bout that?

Maguire (3:53 p.m.) I wish we would not play "Sweet Caroline" over the PA system like every-freaking-body else in the country. When did we become followers?

Maguire (4:04 p.m.) 10-1. Roll Tide.

Jonathan Page (4:20 p.m.) FB buddy Jeff Moore brings up a good point. "4 Straight 10 win seasons for the Tide. 5 years ago many of us were looking to trade our first born for that kind of run."

Whit (4:19 p.m.) #auburnweek #hateweek
me (4:34 p.m.) Now it's Auburn Week. God help us all.

Maguire (4:35 p.m.) Let the hate flow freely.

Rob (4:45 p.m.) Yep ready to head into enemy territory
Dad (4:54 p.m.) Amen brother

Halcombe (4:38 p.m.) No name ESPN Radio dude, you talking about ND and a BCS bowl right now is why you are a no name. 

Pedro (5:14 p.m.) Ohio State vs. Penn State — loser gets the NCAA investigators first

Jonathan Page (5:33 p.m.) Another FB observation: "So the Tide got a possible assist in the BCS by the Cyclones, irony anybody?" ... No, that's coincidence, shitty, shitty coincidence.

Jonathan Page (6:16 p.m.) In an Irish bar in downtown Denver. Without prompting they switched the feed to LSU/Ole Miss ... Now I'm drinking heavily. 

me (6:24 p.m.) I think I could watch the video of Corso dropping the f-bomb on live TV for hours on end. Fowler & Herbstreit's reactions are priceless. 

me (6:37 p.m.) Over/under: How many points COULD LSU score tonight, if it so desires?
Whit (6:37 p.m.) 78
Rob (6:40 p.m.) 74
Jonathan Page (6:46 p.m.) Hmmmm, I'm thinking low 50s
Jonathan Page (6:57 p.m.) A better over/under would been Ole Miss turnovers

me (7:35 p.m.) Ole Miss needs to ask for 8-minute quarters in the 2nd half.
Whit (7:35 p.m.) Running clock
me (7:35 p.m.) I know I used that one back when we played them. But it still applies.
Rob (7:36 p.m.) Just forfeit
Jamie (8:01 p.m.) Bad news for ole miss. They started the 2nd half.

Jamie (7:41 p.m.) I haven't been watching. How many times has herbie mentioned speed/tempo? 56?

me (7:46 p.m.) Vols just missed on a wheel route. On 3rd & 1. Vs. Vandy.
Jamie (7:47 p.m.) We would have run a reverse flea flicker wheel route on 3rd and 1

Halcombe (7:49 p.m.) Sounds like an episode of Young and the Restless with a sub: (Soft, low voice) Playing the role of Victor (Vandy) are the Vols. 

Whit (7:57 p.m.) Kinda intrigued about oklahoma baylor

Whit (8:02 p.m.) Referee in usc game — "holding. Offense number 55. bear hug. *imitates bear hug*

Jamie (8:04 p.m.) We know why tennessee couldn't catch the vandy db. They were apparently blocking during the run back.

me (9:02 p.m.) /sings USC fight song repeatedly
Rob (9:02 p.m.) And Baylor
Rob (9:03 p.m.) Just say rg 3 a lot

Maguire (9:07 p.m.) What would we do without Musberger?

me (9:09 p.m.) I find the nickname "Black Mamba" to be offensive.
Rob (9:10 p.m.) That's cause u were in a locker room in opelika
Whit (9:18 p.m.) That name belongs to kobe

Jamie (9:20 p.m.) I think all these teams got together and agreed that playing LSU is probably not a good idea.

me (9:27 p.m.) Dooley to assistant: "YOU CAN'T CHALLENGE IT! SHUT UP!"
Jamie (9:28 p.m.) If they blow it dead they can't call it a td right?

Jamie (9:31 p.m.) So the ref who blew the whistle just didn't say anything I guess.

Jonathan Page (9:30 p.m.) WTF PAC 12 special teams

Jamie (9:35 p.m.) How close is arkansas to playing for a national title?
Jamie (9:40 p.m.) Oregon lses, okl loses this week or next, ark beats lsu. Bama wins out does that put bama 1 ark 2? Who else?

Jamie (9:46 p.m.) I don't think brent knows what that annoying yellow line means

me (9:55 p.m.) Virginia!!!!

me (9:59 p.m.) An LB for UVA just broke his left leg in half. I cried. I'm still crying.
Jamie (10:01 p.m.) One of those "been there" moments?

me (10:07 p.m.) No idea what's happening in UVA-FSU right now.
me (10:14 p.m.) I have no words to describe what just happened.
Jonathan Page (10:15 p.m.) Yeah, I'm confused. Wasn't this game over 15 minutes ago?
Jamie (10:16 p.m.) And the crazyness has rolled over to oregon-usc

me (10:19 p.m.) TEXAS
Audra (10:20 p.m.) Sucks and we are close behind

me (10:20 p.m.) Dear Lane Kiffin, Fck yo couch.
Rob (10:20 p.m.) How lucky is chip Kelly
Maguire (10:21 p.m.) DIAF

me (10:26 p.m.) Les Miles thinks Oregon played it perfectly.
Jamie (10:26 p.m.) No chance this goes through
Whit (10:27 p.m.) of course they did. Do they have real grass in oregon?
Maguire (10:27 p.m.) Chip Kelley went to Les' off-season clinic.

me (10:28 p.m.) Miles says to fake it.

Maguire (10:28 p.m.) Shankopotamus!

Rob (10:28 p.m.) Suck it PAC douche
Jonathan Page (10:29 p.m.) And Oregon is out of the conversation

me (10:29 p.m.) Stacey: "He (Lane) just looks so ridiculous."

Jamie (10:31 p.m.) Barkley: "like totally rad game brah"

Jamie (10:30 p.m.) Ou about to go down as well.
Maguire (10:37 p.m.) Let's go, RGIII.
me (10:45 p.m.) These coaches are aware that they're allowed to call timeout, right?
Whit (10:46 p.m.) And right on time ...
Jamie (10:46 p.m.) Chip kelly thinks he starts next weeks game with 6

Maguire (10:46 p.m.) They also went to Les's clinic.

Maguire (10:48 p.m.) Time for OU's kicker to get foot AIDS.
Maguire (10:49 p.m.) It's been going around.
Maguire (10:52 p.m.) Guess the foot AIDS epidemic has been stymied.

Maguire (10:53 p.m.) Now time for a 51-second miracle drive.
me (10:53 p.m.) Itchy lineman took away the headline: "BOB STOOPS' BRASS BALLS"
Maguire (10:53 p.m.) Editors are either relieved or pissed.

Jonathan Page (10:57 p.m.) Whiskey Tango Foxtrot
me (10:58 p.m.) No. Effing. Way. Again.
Jonathan Page (10:58 p.m.) Why settle for a FG?
Jamie (10:59 p.m.) North goal post looks at south goal post with a look that says: be safe my friend, be safe.
Travis P (10:59 p.m.) Amazing. Not done yet.
Pedro (11:00 p.m.) If Robert Griffin III isn't a top 5 pick, somebody's high

Jonathan Page (11:00 p.m.) And the Sooners just quit
Maguire (11:01 p.m.) And insult aded to injury there on the kickoff.
Travis P (11:09 p.m.) The squib onside kick. Joy joy joy
Maguire (11:01 p.m.) God, I love this game.

me (11:03 p.m.) Just plant one on her, RGIII. You earned it.