Tuesday, September 6, 2011

gameday texts: Labor Day weekend

My new favorite feature of the blog that emerged last year: Gameday Texts, in which I share the best and most hilarious text messages I receive from the world's most hilarious collection of friends. In the opening edition, the time frame spans the entire Labor Day weekend, beginning Thursday night. As always the time stamps and names that appear to the left of the texts is exactly as it appeared on my phone. Also, all are [sic]'d.
With that, please to enjoy.

Rob (6:29 p.m.) R u ready for some football!
Maguire (6:49 p.m.) That's what folks get for taking Thursday night classes.
Pedro (6:50 p.m.) And here's to finance committee meetings.
Audra (7:23 p.m.) Beer just tastes better during football season.
Dad (7:33 p.m.) ... woo

Halcombe (8:36 p.m.) These Sony 3D glasses make Dr. Lou's froth appear to hit me in the ... Wait a minute ... That's real slobber on my nose ... What the ...?

Jamie (11:15 p.m.) At least we're not as bad as Kentucky.

Halcombe (10:41 a.m.) If Fairy Deion floated in front of my 3-year-old, he get called "Chinese." We have a bit of a fixation, as I'm sure Fairy Deion has with the Asians.
Pedro (12:39 p.m.) Best billboard on 65 — Be AUM-azing. AUM.edu. Too bad Terry Bowden left AU. I bet that was on the short list for the season themes.

Maguire (6:07 p.m.) Sorry, Jay. When we're done with them, I hope their mothers don't recognize them.

 Dad (7:01 p.m.) Do not get in a fight.

Rob (7:02 p.m.) Baylor kids running on the field got run over that was some good hitting!
Dad (8:16 p.m.) Baylor and tcu combined for 50 points with 11 mins to go in second period

Dad (8:33 p.m.) Preachers!!
Dad (9:25 p.m.) A positive gain as opposed to what?
Jamie (9:26 p.m.) Apparently andy daulton played defense for tcu as well
Jamie (9:35 p.m.) Is this what experts call a "curb stomp"?

Dad (9:57 p.m.) Preachers inherited a bunch of it
Pedro (10:22 p.m.) Maybe the "you run faster when chased by someone twice your size" theory is why I got beat in distance running

Pedro (10:30 p.m.) How badly does Baylor want to lose this game? I under the "be proud of your school tradition" concept, but some traditions, like losing, might best be lost Whit (10:34 p.m.) Baylor need a full timeout or a thirty?
D. Hardin (10:35 p.m.) This TCU/bayler game is awesome!

me Les Miles says to run the fake.
Whit (10:44 p.m.) Les Miles doesn't know howe much is on the clock
Whit (10:49 p.m.) How is no one being penalized for improper equipment?

me Les still says to run the fake.
Whit (10:56 p.m.) Here les, play with this
Jamie (10:57 p.m.) Baylor fans empty the stands, cover 30 yards of the field
Pedro (10:58 p.m.) Actually, Les still doesn't know the game's over

Whit (2:36 a.m.) Guy in breezeway wearing santonio beard jersey. Yeah, that's right.
Whit (6:49 a.m.) Smells like victory

Jamie (9:04 a.m.) So the midget on the new gameday intro through me for a loop
Maguire (9:06 a.m.) Yes sir. Please stay away from my ci-tay.

Jamie (9:23 a.m.) Well some guys did get some free tats and all. Only so much air time to talk about off the field issues
Travis P (9:27 a.m.) At houndstooth. Just seen two great quotes on the wall. "Taylor Arnold has a mangina" - nick Sanan. The second. "Updike kicks ass"
Jamie (9:36 a.m.) That's RG3 to you pal

Jamie (11:00 a.m.) I might smother troop with that towel
Moody (11:15 a.m.) By the way. One of my bosses at work started talking about their tailgate friends in auburn that were from opelika. Had some crazy sons that all the time and where just all around nice folks. Yep, it was OD. I told them to tell them hey for me.
Moody (11:17 a.m.) I also told them about the "no limit" cows in cusseta and our talk with the wardens.

Maguire (11:20 a.m.) Here we go ... ROLL TIDE ROLL!
Pedro (11:27 a.m.) Kirby Smart's not laying many expectations on the D — "I hope we're the best defense to ever play at Alabama"
Rob (11:36 a.m.) Ugly drive
Travis P (11:46 a.m.) Maze. That's all here.

Travis P (11:46 a.m.) Wow. Next week is gonna rule.
D. Hardin (11:58 a.m.) Who do you think is uglier? Phil Sims or $ulio?

Jamie (12:17 p.m.) Utah state brought the entire black population in the state of utah. All 800

Maguire (12:41 p.m.) Their d-line ain't bad.
D. Hardin (12:49 p.m.) Yeah ... got blistered on that call
Rob (12:51 p.m.) Phew this is a rough game

Audra (12:57 p.m.) If he were to pat you on your back, you would list it on your resume — stay thirsty my friends 

Pedro (1:22 p.m.) If Auburn loses today, how many games you reckon they win this year?
Rob (1:43 p.m.) Of course all in
Maguire (2:08 p.m.) I bet RBR will have a good meltdown thread this week.
Travis P (2:08 p.m.) AGGIES!!!
Dad (2:09 p.m.) May not be over yet

Maguire (2:18 p.m.) Must have been a God thing. I forgot He was on their side.

Rob (3:38 p.m.) All in
Jamie (3:39 p.m.) Then we had to go and win and probably picked up a few rats instead of dropping
Jamie (3:41 p.m.) Its the unmatched youth mixed with sub par defensive coordinator

Jamie (3:47 p.m.) Did ole miss fans forget about today?
Jamie (3:53 p.m.) When I thought bob davie couldn't say anything more retarded ...
Maguire (3:53 p.m.) They're not turning out for BYU? That's not exactly Utah State.

Halcombe (5:30 p.m.) NBC has nothing better to air than last year's Utah-ND game? What, couldn't throw out an old 30 Rock or that episode of the Office where Jim gets Dwight?

Halcombe (5:35 p.m.) How many Ole Miss players have violated BYU's Honor Code ... since last night?
Halcombe (5:44 p.m.) Who's feeling more awkward right now: The 23 mormons in the stands or the 3 black dudes who have to fly back to Provo?

Halcombe (5:48 p.m.) Papa John, gotta say, after eating not 1 ... not 2 ... not 3 ... but five slices that my interest in your "zero grams trans fat" statement is minimal at best.

Halcombe (5:52 p.m.) Craig James: That WMU QB acts like he's been locked in a supply closet.
Halcombe (6:02 p.m.) AMC's answer to the start of college football season? Lonesome Dove marathon.
Jamie (6:32 p.m.) Well then
Rob (6:36 p.m.) The only way!
Travis P (6:35 p.m.) That's nutty.

Jamie (6:43 p.m.) 4th and 10 and a pass behind the LOS. Gasp
Jamie (6:51 p.m.) Call a draw, Houston
Jamie (6:53 p.m.) Face palm

Whit (6:53 p.m.) Davies is awwwwwwful
Maguire (6:54 p.m.) Les Miles and Houston Nutt may have had a "Freaky Friday"-style switchup.
Jamie (7:05 p.m.) Ladies and gentlemen your new head football coach at the u of mississippi, gus malzahn

Halcombe (6:58 p.m.) Did UGA leave SEC for AF2?
Jamie (7:09 p.m.) The battle of the: my uni is worse than yours

Jamie (7:14 p.m.) How the f do you lose a shoe by downing a kickoff?
Jamie (7:18 p.m.) Ga playing like they are the ones with 6,000 in the stands
Halcombe (7:21 p.m.) Are these jerseys supposed to be an interpretation of football in the future ala Duck Dodgers in the 24th and a 1/2 century?

Rob (7:46 p.m.) They r inspired by glee 
Halcombe (7:53 p.m.) I still think the UGA-Boise game is the beginning to Ah-nold's The Sixth Day. My only question is, which QB is going to be the one cloned? 

Dad (9:17 p.m.) Lotta people named Georgia in red tonight 

Whit (7:27 p.m.) Ecu loves to beat cocks

Halcombe (7:28 p.m.) Boise radio team: No. 11 Georgia incomplete pass to No. 7 Georgia. Wait a second. We'll be right back after this commercial break.
Halcombe (7:31 p.m.) All those people cheering behind Evander are his illegitimate children. Even the white ones.
Halcombe (7:45 p.m.) Imagine next week if UGA does happen to win. The only thing worse than a UGA fan would be Will Ferrell in Kicking and Screaming. MORE COFFEE!!!

Halcombe (7:52 p.m.) Okay, Boise fans, fair and boo your o-lineman for holding up Kellen and the no-huddle


Rob (8:10 p.m.) These games are a comedy if retard

Rob (8:24 p.m.) Brent is dumb
Maguire (8:25 p.m.) Remember, Brent's not very bright.

Rob (8:59 p.m.) Georgia ygbkm
Halcombe (9:04 p.m.) Des, went a little crazy with that clothing allowance didn't we?

Maguire (9:05 p.m.) Reality sets back in in Columbia.

Halcombe (9:10 p.m.) That look of befuddlement shows Richt and the Dogs are in mid-season form already in game 1.

Dad (9:32 p.m.) SEC looking great today ... huh?
Maguire (9:32 p.m.) Uga's letting us down.
D. Hardin (9:35 p.m.) LSU helping the soeaco but GA is killing us

Maguire (9:51 p.m.) Take your medicine, go back to the PAC-12, and quitcherbitchin'!
Whit (10:13 p.m.) Did he seriously compare tropical storm lee to jarrett lee?

Jamie (2:45 p.m.) Nice camera work to stay honed in on the west f****n virginia shirt

Halcombe (3:06 p.m.) HE ... IS ... TRON Livin' ... for the sit-aaaayy ...
Halcombe (4:14 p.m.) When is Subway going to own up and admit that the Angus Steak is a microwaved hamburger on a hoagie?

Halcombe (10:05 a.m.) Weather Channel producer: Jim, put your hands on your hips to show off your guns and lose the hat. Ladies LOVE your bald self. Oh yeah, and give Local on the 8s
Pedro (1:43 p.m.) Vacation notes — day 4 "now's when I really miss Stacey, cause she'd have the alcohol and right now I'm needing some

Dad (6:59 p.m.) Oh great ... underarmor strikes again.
Maguire (7:07 p.m.) Those might be the worst uniforms ever, for anything.
Pedro (7:27 pm.) The Mrs. — "worst. Uniforms. Ever." The Miss — "nnnooooo"
Halcombe (7:44 p.m.) Maryland has a state flag?
Pedro (8:06 p.m.) These unis remind me of having a surrealist hippie doing wardrobe for a football movie — "I don't care what year it is, you don't wear that to play."

Dad (8:15 p.m.) When you dominate and don't score ...
Bart (8:16 p.m.) Maryland's coach: did an Auburn frat pledge win a contest?*
* — He meant Miami's coach.

Halcombe (8:19 p.m.) We're still trying to figure out if we'll see a bunch of dolphins or George Washington in that Magic Maze jersey.
Maguire (8:24 p.m.) I saw a schooner, a sailboat and even some them big-tittie mermaids doing some of that lesbian $hit.

Dad (9:14 p.m.) They think they are number 1.
Halcombe (9:15 p.m.) Scary thing is Kyle Busch has done every one of the things listed in that commercial.

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