Tuesday, March 9, 2010

"Lost" blogging: Dr. Linus

Welcome back to "Lost" blogging, a weekly attempt to analyze, comprehend and occasionally (OK, frequently) ABC's remarkable TV show "Lost." Tonight's episode: "Dr. Linus," which, judging by the title, will revolve around the guy who helped inspire this video.

As always, tonight's version of the "Lost" blog is delayed, owing to TiVo. Also as always, SPOILERS WILL INEVITABLY OCCUR DURING THIS BLOG. SO BACK AWAY SLOWLY.

A little perspective before we begin tonight's broadcast: thus far in Season 6, creepy, manipulative Ben has (apparently) transformed into bug-eyed, terrified, good soldier Ben, someone who actually apologized to the real John Locke for murdering him. A few questions:
• Will FLocke attempt to recruit Ben back to his side?
• Is this the real Ben or is he still lying in wait for his opportunity?
• Will Sideways Ben find out who drank the last of the coffee without cleaning up?
• Can I make it through tonight's episode without cracking a cheap joke related to Peanuts or those Dr. Pepper ads?

Find out in a moment.

(All times are CST.)
8:23: Seeing Ben run like this makes me think of a famous Dave Chappelle routine.

8:24: How does Ben know who Dogen is?
8:26: Only a handful of people know how funny the term Elba really is to people from South Alabama.
8:27: Trust Ben. He's a doctor.
8:28: Dude, it's Arzt! An awesome blast from the past. He's just as whiny and cynical in Sideways World as he was back before he blew himself into tiny bits.
8:29: OK, so I'm tired of pointing out the parallels between characters in the Sideways World and the "Real" one. But yeah, Locke just gave us one.
(Before we flash, it's worth noting that teachers don't "ascend" into their roles as administrators. Most administrators became administrators because a) they got tired of dealing with kids in the classroom setting or b) they weren't very good at teaching to begin with. My mother was once jokingly offered a job as principal at her middle school and replied with a straight face, "You couldn't pay me enough.")
8:31: Miles strikes me as very similar to Professor Trelawney. Occasionally he gets one right.
(Note: This is one of those times.)

8:34: Ben totally ripped off the "shoulder bag" look from Jack Bauer.
8:35: If Ilana is so convinced Ben killed Jacob, why not just kill him or tell him to leave? I'm confused.
(Unusual, I know.)
8:36: There's some sort of irony in Ben's Sideways dad being hooked up to oxygen when his dad in "real life" died of a gas attack engineered by ... um, Ben.
8:37: Holy smokes! So the Island existed in the Sideways World?
8:38: Alex is a flirty student in the Sideways World, instead of Ben's daughter. Yay.
8:40: At least we have some idea of why Ilana is on the Island. Although at this point I need a scorecard to keep track of everybody. Even the NBA salary cap is easier to figure out.
8:41: Hurley has a lousy method for convincing people to do anything.
(Note: "Where'd you come from?" is a fun loaded question that this show seems to be full of.)
8:42: Ben found Sawyer's old tent!
8:43: Oh. Right. The "he killed Jacob" thing. Dollars-to-pesos Ben talks his way out of this, just like he does every other time someone points a gun at him.

8:45: Sideways Alex has the same test anxiety as my wife and Jesse Spano.

8:46: Sideways Ben could totally make a power grab with this information.
8:48: That was a clever nod by the writers to Nikki & Paulo (who Sawyer called "gibrones"), two characters the audience hated so much, "Lost" made them disappear quickly.
8:50: Hurley has asked on 3 different occasions during this season whether someone was a) a zombie b) a vampire c) a cyborg.
8:51: I kind of liked Richard Alpert a lot more when he was mysterious.

8:53: No such thing as bad student, only bad teacher.
(Note: That quote came from Mr. Miyagi, hilariously cited in this article from cracked.com. Multiple people on this show should be there.)
8:56: Has Sideways Arzt ever heard of the BOE? Or federal grant programs?
8:57: Richard almost assuredly came to the Island on the Black Rock, possibly as a slave. Could Dogen have been with them?
8:58: Should I bother noting that the Black Rock is hwere Arzt died? You knew that right?
8:59: If Jacob's touch is a gift that makes you into an ageless wonder, then Jack and Hurley can't die, right? Remember that Jack couldn't kill himself, no matter how hard he tried, off-Island.
9:00: "If he wants to die, there's nothing we're gonna do to stop him" is a long way from "First, Do No Harm."

9:03: Has Jack turned into a man of faith?
9:04: Where is "where we started?"
9:05: Here comes FLocke's recruitment of Ben Linus. Not sure how this ends.
9:06: Ben's running away like a woman again.
9:07: The similarities between Sideways Ben vs. his principal and "Real" Ben vs. Charles Widmore are pretty blatant, right?
9:08: Apparently in the Sideways World, principals have some kind of sway over children's college destinations. And remember: in the "real" world, Martin Keamy put a gun to Alex's head; Ben said he didn't care about her ... and then Keamy shot her ("He changed the rules"). In this world, apparently, Ben cares more about her than himself.
9:09: In either world, Ben runs like a girl.
9:11: Ben isn't being honest here. Creepy, Manipulative Ben is back!
(Note: Was I wrong here?)
9:12: Yes, just like Sideways Locke, apparently Ilana is willing to tolerate Ben for a while.

9:15: I simply couldn't care less about Sideways Ben and his selflessness. Frankly, it's boring.
9:16: Jacob's followers are life. FLocke's are death. It's actually pretty simple. Ben chose life. After years of choosing death. And now their army is beginning to form, with Hurley, Jack and Richard showing up on the beach.
(Note: Sun apparently goes through intermittent spells in which shoe doesn't really care about finding her husband. I guess it's just a phase.)
9:18: Hey, Widmore made it back! In a submarine very similar to the one Locke blew up! Cool.
(Actually, it played out more like a goofy twist at the end of your average "24" episode. But whatever.)
[end of episode]

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