gameday texts: sequ ... aw, hell, you get it

Here's this week's edition of "Gameday Texts," which is exactly what it sounds like. As always, these are real texts from real people. To share your own funny thoughts from gameday, comment here or visit me on Twitter.

Jamie (11:06 a.m.): Schlabach just did a live interview in Auburn. Let's just say he looked "uncomfortable."
(Note: This is what that interview looked like.)

Jamie (11:23 a.m.): I have said since Thursday night. Unless you have more to give me than what's out there, this is NOT a story.

Jamie (11:25 a.m.): Former UF player Brad Culpepper spoke to the team and told them to learn how to take success one step at a time. Um ... don't you need to have success to learn how to deal with it?
Whit (12:11 p.m.): The "Auburn family" thing is getting a little out of hand. LIke they needed another reason to look down their nose at everyone else.

Jamie (12:36 p.m.): Defenses have shown up in Ann Arbor.
Pedro (12:46 p.m.): Deep thoughts, Rece? At least better than Dr. Lou ...

Pedro (2:38 p.m.): Can we just get some honesty and hear, "the weakness of the LSU team is that their coach sucks."

Maguire (2:51 p.m.): They need to stop showing stats like that one about Greg's 120+ pass streak without an INT. Dammit.
Maguire (2:58 p.m.): Verne doesn't know what "impetus" means.

Eric St. Clair (3:01 p.m.): Zatarins.

Maguire (3:06 p.m.): Guess it's OK to horse-collar on a screen.

Jamie (3:08 p.m.): Whoever had the over/under of LSU injuries at 11 is in good shape.
Maguire (3:09 p.m.): What's the over/under on the number of injury timeouts for LSU today?
Eric St. Clair (3:09 p.m.): Are they really getting hurt?
Eric St. Clair (3:15 p.m.): More injury timeouts this game than number of times I was told "Tiger Bait."

Maguire (3:16 p.m.): Take that, 7.

Maguire (3:29 p.m.): Never thought I'd miss Leigh Tiffin.

Eric St. Clair (3:46 p.m.): They're showing LSU highlights on the jumbotron. None from this year.

Maguire (4:31 p.m.): I was just saying we ought to go Punt Safe every time.

Halcombe (4:58 p.m.): My son just won a District title in soccer, so two hours ago I officially became one of "Those" parents.
Halcombe (5:01 p.m.): To better explain my status, let me add that I am currently wearing a screen print shirt that has every player's name on the back ...
Halcombe (5:04 p.m.): But ... And I feel this a moderate one at best, I have no intention of commenting on the events of today on ANY social networking site.
Halcombe (5:05 p.m.): That, however, is because I plan to push my child's exploits on 10,372 disinterested readers and two unsuspecting sportswriters.

Halcombe (5:11 p.m.): Quick trivia: Blow your mind by watching Monsters vs. Aliens and have the realization that the cockroach mad scientist is, in fact, House.

Halcombe (5:18 p.m.): My wife's job has me currently beside Buckeye Park, home of the Redneck Games. So I'm listening to the boys' DVD player. Best faux superhero name ever: Gynormica.
Halcombe (5:19 p.m.): It took my wife several weeks before she pieced together why I laughed every time that name came up in conversation.

Maguire (5:18 p.m.): Think Utah was a poser?

Dad (5:19 p.m.): D was way better last year.

Maguire (5:22 p.m.): Did the give up by running on 3rd and 19?!!!!

Maguire (5:28 p.m.): I'm so sick of this poor tackling.

Maguire (5:29 p.m.): I wanna throw up now.

Maguire (5:38 p.m.): Did Miles just pick up a piece of grass and eat it?
Pedro (5:40 p.m.): Weekly DVR alert — Les Miles bent down, grabbed some turf and ate it before that conversation.

Maguire (5:43 p.m.): [Expletive]
Whit (5:44 p.m.): [Expletive]

Dad (5:49 p.m.): Melt down.

Maguire (5:49 p.m.): Matriculate? Seriously? What language are they speaking?
Dad (5:50 p.m.): 08 offense was better than this.

Maguire (5:52 p.m.): Time for a little magic, 1998 style.

Maguire (5:56 p.m.): Is Crowton stupid enough to throw it?

Maguire (5:59 p.m.): Damn. Just damn.

Maguire (6:03 p.m.): How come he can do well time management against us?

Maguire (6:07 p.m.): Guess I will be making money off my BCS tickets.

Maguire (6:09 p.m.): Well, I guess we'll be on our own meltdown thread this week.

Dad (7:53 p.m.): So do we get better or shut down?