gameday texts: first sequence

We'll have more thoughts on Saturday's remarkably boring routine win over Penn State later tonight. For the time being, here's a new blog feature: "Gameday Texts," a collection of hilarious text messages I receive from various friends and family members. Hope you'll enjoy them as much as I did. Names will appear as they display on my phone, and all time stamps are accurate.

Maguire (9:29 a.m.): Mark Stoops -- the best of the Stoops brothers.
Pedro (9:53 a.m.): Can I create a policy where no one goes to the hospital on gameday? It'd be a whole lot cooler if I could.
Whit (12:01 p.m.): They just said cocks.
Pedro (12:35 p.m.): But if the spread option get stopped, how can RichRod still be the Lord and Savior of Wolverine football?
Pedro (1:29 p.m.): To hell with Georgia.
Pedro (1:54 p.m.): Amanda says they're (Georgia Tech) flipped out by all the white people, & she hasn't seen this many white people in the stands outside Cullman High.
Pedro (1:56 p.m.): And we all know, if anyone knows white, it's Amanda von Herrmann.
Dad (2:15 p.m.): Does everybody detest Bob Davie?
Pedro (2:44 p.m.): Let James Madison in the BCS!
Halcombe: When did Tommy Glavine become the official spokesman for Big League Chew?
Pedro (3:12 p.m.): So what are the odds the BCS paid off Va. Tech to lose that game? How 'bout that somebody at Idaho will allege that in print?
Whit (3:42 p.m.): Gettin' beat like he stole something.
Jamie (4:06 p.m.): Ohio State should realize special teams is a third.
Dad (4:51 p.m.): Go in and start getting taped.
Jamie (4:58 p.m.): Jacory Harris is not really helping his team.
Jamie (5:43 p.m.): The only vibe on this one ('Bama-PSU) has to do with the 0 points PSU will score.
Pedro (6:05 p.m.): It's strange getting ready to watch a game on ESPN and hearing the pregame flyover from your living room.
Halcombe (6:13 p.m.): Is there a reason for reviewing FSU fumble w/OU up 47-10 w/2:21 left in the game? Thanks Jimbo, Bobby would've done the Christian thing and taken a whoopin like a man.
Halcombe (6:15 p.m.): And Brian Kelly, is there any reason to not guard Denard Robinson's Paul Pierce impersonation on the QB keeper to the right?
Pedro (6:18 p.m.): Amanda says she prefers that to the 25-year-old Bud jingle. Apparently, she didn't enjoy me dancing with Julia singing that this a.m.
Pedro (6:42 p.m.): You're missing the snuggie macarena.
Jamie (6:45 p.m.): What about this Richardson guy, who's he?
Jamie (6:47 p.m.): I asked my buddy if (PSU) was playing a 4-7.
Dad (6:57 p.m.): I don't know any of our players.
Jamie (7:03 p.m.): What the hell just happened.
Jamie (7:23 p.m.): Bro, it's already ballgame.
Pedro (7:29 p.m.): The AFLAC trivia question was so easy, even Amanda got it, even though it was about the NFL (1st 3 Super Bowl MVPs).
Halcombe (7:48 p.m.): Delta Tau Chi: Look dude, you guys haven't won anything since 1982. Kerry Collins replica: Well, at least our coach has Medicare.
Pedro (7:49 p.m.): I'll take that frat douche wins fight now, mysteriously dies in the spring for $500, Alex.
Jamie (7:51 p.m.): You know who else is confused? Penn St.
Bart (7:59 p.m.): Methinks we graduated too soon. Should have savored the college experience more.
Dad (8:21 p.m.): Bama can't put 'em away.
Pedro (9:06 p.m.): You should invent a Big 10/Independent coefficient, aka "how many games Bear woulda won if he played pansies like y'all did most of your coaching career."
Dad (9:28 p.m.): I'll take it.
Pedro (9:36 p.m.): Wonder if Saban's going to rag McElroy for cutting him off to shake Paterno's hand.
Maguire (9:48 p.m.): I love it.
Sunday (bonus)
Zach (7:52 a.m.): 3 is the best RB in the nation.
Jamie (11:49 a.m.): Alabama is grotesquely good.